Trans Tots: Is It Time For Moms to Speak Out for These Kids?

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I am a concerned mom of a three and a five-year-old and I am writing in this in an effort to find other people, maybe other moms, who have the same concerns I do but, like I have been, are afraid to say anything.  That is unless you count blogging anonymously…then I’m brave as hell, because I am just a wee-bit obsessed with this subject in the same way I’m obsessed with crop circles.

As I’ve written before, my concern started when my oldest was almost three and I came across a blog of a woman who was raising her son as a girl from the time he was about my daughter’s age.

My daughter.

Almost three.

Brunette but thought she was blonde (At 5.5, still does).

Insisted she would grow up to be a daddy (still does).

Determined she could choose to be a bird and fly (still is).

Thought Elmo was actually calling on the phone via the Elmo app (Still does).

Believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy (Still does).

All of the above interpreted by me through a head-tilting, squinty-eyed,  half flat-out guessing 9590644061_2ae87477f6game of toddler charades.

These are the thoughts running through my head as I’m reading a blog of a woman raising her boy, the same age as my daughter, as a girl.

Is my child a dumb ass?

No way could my three-year-old have communicated a desire in an articulate or informed enough manner that she could have ever convinced me that I must raise her as the male gender she felt she was actually born.  NEVER.

The blogger went on to say that from the time her only child was two, he demanded to wear nothing but pink and fluffy tutus which made me again question my own child’s development because she wouldn’t be able to tell me that she wanted to wear something that wasn’t in her closet and she definitely couldn’t dress herself.

My immediate thought was how could this woman publicly admit that she was doing this?  Where was CPS?

The reality I found was that she was applauded for being so public.

In fact, I would later find out that she had written a book and had appeared on various TV and radio shows.

Then, it hit me.

Her kid couldn’t decide for “herself” that he was a boy if he wanted to.

His future as a female had already been determined for him.

I hope, for his sake, that he was some sort of child genius orator at the age of three allowing them to interpret his life-long desires accurately.  Otherwise, his parents (and by-proxy the therapists and those not speaking out) have taken one of the very basic rights we all have, the right to life which, in my opinion (thank you mom and dad for letting me decide) includes the sex we were born.

This mom blogger wasn’t alone.

There were many more like her and raising kids transgender as young as three seems almost the norm.  There are even more trans-tot bloggers today, just a couple of years later.

If you don’t have kids or aren’t familiar with the development of kids let me explain something:  this is fucked up (sorry, but no other way to put it).

Think about this.  Many parents who adopt a child agonize over when and how to tell their children that they are adopted and the questions that will follow as their child grows through the levels of comprehension.

5056464577_974d4ea03aParents who are raising their three, four and five-year-old children as transgender will someday, when they’re old enough to fully comprehend (ironically), have to have an in-depth conversation with their children explaining why it is that they decided to raise the child as the sex opposite of what he/she was born.

If I put myself in that child’s place, I cannot picture myself not being pissed or at the least utterly confused. Even if I thought I might actually “identify” more with the sex they chose for me, my adult mind would always question, especially after I had my own kids and learned how utterly imaginative and mostly inaudible kids are.

Kids, if you’re not familiar, have the memory of a smooshed ant.  My 5-year-old had a best friend all last summer.  I was crushed when eight months later I asked about her best friend and she said, “who?”  Even after I pressed her, she didn’t remember this friend that she, just months before, adored.

Again, little dumb ass?

No.

She’s five.

She primarily remembers what I keep alive for her through stories and pictures.  The older I get the more I think we as adults are no different memory-wise.

What infuriates me the most is how we are all forced to agree with this new choosing your kid’s sex after their born lifestyle lest be called horrid names.

My mom gut is telling me this is not right.  It feels like child abuse.

For someone like me who tries to be understanding and tries to research whether or not my instincts are wrong, I first turn to the American Association of Pediatrics.  A trustworthy source, right?

Here’s screen shot of the list of articles I find when I search “transgender kids” on the AAP website:

 

As a comparison, I also enter, “spanking” and find this:

 

So, spanking can cause mental illness; but someone else deciding your gender for you before you were old enough to do so yourself…A-ok!  One seems a lot more extreme than the other to me.

Because the American Association of Pediatrics goes against what my instinct tells me and what I know first-hand, I found myself searching for the actual definition of child abuse:

What is the definition of child abuse?

Child abuse is when a parent or caregiver, whether through action or failing to act, causes injury, death, emotional harm or risk of serious harm to a child. There are many forms of child maltreatment, including neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, exploitation and emotional abuse.

Now, let’s apply this definition to two scenarios that illustrate my AAP website search:

In today’s world, if my 5-year-old daughter ran across the street without my supervision and I hurried across the street yelling at her in a manner that would get her attention so that she would not do it again and maybe even swatted her on the behind to make my point stronger, a passer-by could call the police and claim child abuse.  I know this because I’ve had it happen to three different friends.

On the other hand,  if I took the same 5-year-old child, dressed her as a boy and sent her into a public men’s bathroom by herself  (because I can’t/don’t want to go in) to use the bathroom next to a row full of men using the urinals, the cops couldn’t do a thing.  Not without a discrimination lawsuit.  And, if you called the cops on me, you risk being on the news and demonized as an unloving, homophobic bigot.  Even better, I can exploit my special child by writing a blog, a book and becoming a spokesperson for the community then be heralded as a brave and heroic example for other moms.  I can even go further and give her puberty blocking drugs around the age of nine.   Demand that she shower with a locker room full of sex-crazed naked boys while in junior high and high school.  All of this under the guise that she told me she was a boy at the age of three.  Even though science tells us that our brains are not fully formed until 25.  

Re-read the definition of child abuse above.  The second scenario fits much better into the definition and yet those who dare even question the actions of these parents are demonized and called horrible names.  It’s also hard not to question the validity of the American Association of Pediatrics.  Especially if you’re a mom.  Then you have to wonder who do we trust?

Your gut.

This post was prompted by a post by a gay guy friend who, in response to Trump’s action on the bathroom bills in schools said, “Fuck you, Trump.”

The man who posted this doesn’t have kids.

He has no idea.

We Moms know.

We need to get past the intimidation of these bullies and speak out.

We need to stand up for these kids so that they can focus on childhood until they’re old enough to decide for themselves the gender and life that they want to live.

We need to stand up for the Moms who are being misled by the therapists, politicians and media with ulterior motives telling them it is OK to define their child’s gender for them before they can speak and way before their brains are fully formed

But, most of all we need to stand up against people bullying through their name-calling and intimidation tactics in an effort to shut down reasonable and rationale conversation.

Our instincts are right.

And, we must protect our children.

 

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Mis-Information Nation

8147134510_3888fbe057_bIn the majority of U.S. media right now, there are two lenses being used by the press and the lenses are interchanged depending on which stories they want to emphasize and which stories they want to play down.

The first is a standard lens but it looks as though a toddler eating an Oreo just generously licked the entire contents of their little mouth onto the lens.  It’s filthy.

The second lens is a wide-angle lens and makes things look larger than they actually are.  Think room in a real estate photo that you imagine would make a good media room only to discover in person it would actually make a better coat closet.

The calculated use of these lenses according to the story being covered is what has contributed to our division and is what will keep us divided if we don’t all choose to be more discriminating in the way we receive information.

For the last eight years, the right half of the country has been scared because of what they’ve seen directly and what they’ve tried to decipher through the content filmed through this filthy lens.  If any dared to speak out about the things that were scaring them, they were called horrible names and labeled with despicable character traits, all which was portrayed through the wide-angle lens.

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Arrogant Assumptions

3992697121_5607c82bc0_bOne thing that I’ve noticed with the current left is that they act as though they know every single American, every situation and every bank account.

They know every single employer can afford to pay their employees more without having to fire employees to make up the difference.

They know every single woman is being taken advantage of by her employer.

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The Truth About “White Privilege”

19472064300_e264870aaf_bAs a mom, the phrase, “white privilege” infuriates me.

It angers me as a mom to white children; but it may make me more angry about the message it sends to our black children.

“White Privilege” tells black children (all black children) that they are victims and that their starting point is from behind.

“White Privilege” tells white children (all white children) that they don’t have to try as hard and that they have advantages other children don’t.

Both are a lie.

Neither message is one that ANY parent, teacher, coach or mentor ever wants instilled in a child whose future they care about.

It begs the question:  why are we allowing our children, with brains not yet fully formed, to be fed this negative and defeat-driven message?

It’s bullshit.  And, we need to stop.  We need to pull our heads out of the ass of the 1950’s, move into the future and use language that lifts up ALL of our children.

We need to flip the discussion.

Continue reading “The Truth About “White Privilege””

This is the “Liberal” I Know

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This picture is from Hillary’s speech proclaiming that half of Trump’s supporters could be put in a “deplorable basket,” calling them homophobes, xenophones, racists, Islamophobes and sexists.

What struck me, but didn’t surprise me, was the message below her as she said it, “Stronger Together.”

This blatant and ignorant irony is what I’ve come to know as a common trait in liberals.

I learned this first hand in a liberal church.  I was proud to be a member of this church because I knew it was a place that my gay friends would also be welcomed.  Not that I was proselytizing and on a mission to save the gays, it just made me feel better to be a part of a church that I knew wouldn’t judge people who I consider good friends.

The slogan of this church is “All are welcome…”

Then, one Sunday I was sitting in a sermon listening to the pastor talk, as he often did, about how our church different.  We weren’t like these fundamental churches who were closed-minded and judgmental.

He’d said this almost every sermon but it wasn’t until then, in the height of all the conservative bashing by our politicians, that it hit me.  Sure, my gay friends could walk in and feel warm and fuzzy but half the country would walk in and feel insulted and belittled including most of, actually all of, my family.

Not cool.

 

 

It’s A Glass Elevator, Not Ceiling

2344769273_7369d150de_bI think of everyone in the world, the women I most would like to kick swiftly in the hoo-ha would be those promoting this glass ceiling bullshit.

Here’s why.

I have two daughters.  I spend my waking hours and restless nights looking for ways to instill in them a sense of self-confidence so that they know they have the power, within themselves, to make their own decisions and determine their own destiny without the help of anyone else and without blaming anyone else.

On the list of “never says” is, “you can’t make it without the government forcing people to give you a chance.”

The very last thing I ever want for my girls is for them to have a pimp – be it man or government.

Maybe it’s just me.

It’s why I always give a big middle finger salute to the women propagating this lie, whether they are doing it for their own power grab or because they enjoy being a victim.  It is just that, a lie.

How do I know it’s a lie?

Because I am a woman.  And, as a woman, I’ve been given far more opportunities than my male counterparts – opportunities to be fast-tracked up the corporate ladder working for some of the largest companies in the world; and opportunities as a small business owner to take majority market share all because women like working with women.

24993800793_e08c3b82cc_bThese so called women libbers would have you believe that women rule the world and therefore we should be getting more.  The only way to do that is to have the government pass laws and initiatives to force people to give us more.

A true independent woman will tell you, women rule the world and therefore we don’t need anyone, especially government, to help us get more.  We’ll do it our own damn selves.  Like we do most everything else…except lifting really heavy things.  You can help most of us with that.

Two true personal stories that I want my girls to know:

1.)  I am an excellent employee – extremely hard working and dedicated.  At every job I’ve ever held, I have been moved up quickly because if I’m one thing, it’s a valuable employee.

Before I left the media business, the vice president of sales for the network I was working for came through our office to meet everyone.  I was one of two women in the 20+ male office.

As most women in business know, the higher you move up the ladder the less women. Not because women aren’t promoted.  It’s because women either drop out of the work force completely or they change direction.  I’ve had many girlfriends leave high-paying careers to pursue more care-focused careers like nursing.  I’ve also had girlfriends drop out completely to raise kids.  They might find more flexible jobs that allow them to spend more time with their families.  Many of the girlfriends I started with in media had no desire to move up.  Their goal was to find a husband, have kids and raise those kids.

Men do not have the same goals.

Politicians who need us to believe women make less, do not account for the above reality.

Anyhow, this new VP asked me about my career goals.  He was an older gentleman, very professional and not being creepy in that question (that is one thing we do have to deal with as women but, still, can handle it on our own).  He went on to say that New York really needed women at the head and asked if that was part of my career goal.   If so, they could start training me in that direction and, if all went well, I could be part of the executive team in New York in as little as five years.

I knew what he was saying was true, even if I wasn’t the best candidate.  One of the first networks that I worked for had a VP who was a woman and she was phenomenal.  I always felt like it gave our network an edge and broke up the old white boys club.  But she left to do something entirely different and the executive offices in NY, at the time, were really white and male.  This didn’t make for great photo ops.

While he was talking, I couldn’t help but look out the interior office window at the guys I 28230689175_2cc523dc91worked with.  This management track was their goal and they had been working hard to get there, moving from market to market and always promoting themselves up the chain.  Here I was with less experience, going through fertility treatments, knowing that the management track was not something in my sights nor had it been, but was being told I would be promoted quicker, all because I was a woman.

From this, on top of earlier experiences in my career where I had been quickly promoted working in restaurants and for local stations who needed more diversity, I learned that there is glass, but it’s not a ceiling, it’s an elevator.

An elevator because even a three-quarters focused and hard working woman will catapult over her 100% focused and hard working male counterpart.  Glass because most in the company know it’s because she’s a woman.  Sometimes, if the woman isn’t truly qualified, this can create resentment.  But, for the most part, I think it’s just become a reality for men, especially white men.  And, the truth is that diversity really does look good and it’s needed, especially for larger companies.  I think few white men would deny that, as long as the candidate is qualified.

2.)  I eventually left media and started my own business.  What I learned from being in business and in selling directly to the community is that women really do make the decisions in the household.

My business category is dominated by men.  So, as a woman in this business, I use that to my advantage.  Because women are the primary decision makers in the home, I almost always beat out men competing for the same jobs.  And, I do it while asking for a higher rate.  I am a woman.  I know what women want.  I’m the only one offering this to them.  I know that what I am offering is worth more.  I win the business.  And, I make more.

I also learned from starting a business, that there are more opportunities for women business owners.  We have niche networking groups.  There are many companies who only work with women-owned businesses.  If you are a business that targets large corporations, you have an edge over male-owned businesses because it makes them look better, too.  There are also investors who look specifically for woman-owned businesses.  We really have an advantage.  Anyone who wants to tell my daughters otherwise, better not cross me.

It is because we are strong, organized and appreciate pretty things, that we often have more to offer in business, especially in a world that is as visual as ours is today.  Add to that the women are the decision makers and we are, as women, not the weak ones who need help.  We are the strong ones who need to realize that and take advantage of it on our own merits.

I truly believe any woman bitching either doesn’t realize this reality,  is just making excuses for their own failures or looking to promote this false narrative in order to gain power.

There.  I said it.

For my daughters:  Realize your opportunities, most as a result of your God-given strengths…go get it!

 

 

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The Deeply Divided Left

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Through-out this entire primary season we’ve continually heard about how divided the Republicans are, and this is true, but I contend that the Democrats are also divided, only in a much more unhealthy way.

The Republicans may have had sixteen candidates running however, they all had a relatively linear ideology – less government.  In fact, in the beginning, as a small-government conservative, I had a hard time figuring out who I liked best.  It was awesome. Their stances all sounded very similar.  Trump, from my perspective, was the only one who made a few comments that didn’t fit the limited government narrative, especially on the topic of government funded healthcare.

Continue reading “The Deeply Divided Left”